i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
