I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
