Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
