apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
