it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
