If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
