Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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