I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
