he thought i was a dude.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
