I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
