you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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