He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
