wrigley field is MILF paradise
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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