I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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