I think my vagina is haunted
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
