You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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