I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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