Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just puked most of my soul out..
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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