Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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