So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
