Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
