i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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