Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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