I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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