2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
