i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
