Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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