Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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