You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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