does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
