Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
my phone needs a breathalizer
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
