roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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