The maid of honor just puked.
Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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