I want to make a zoo with you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
