he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
