I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
