So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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