you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
