Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
