so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
