if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
