HIV tests are more positive than that guy
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
