Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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