i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
