i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
