R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
