I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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