I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Randomize
