I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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