If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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