Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Randomize
