Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
